Entitlement

Over the last few years, the word, "entitlement," has begun popping up in discussions and articles. The word basically means "the right to benefits." The idea of it sounds wonderful. Basically, I have the right to get certain good things for free. However, in the United States, this idea of entitlement has become a major issue at all levels.

Ironically, a country that had to earn its freedom the hard way has begun promoting among many of its people that they don't need to worry about "the hard way" anymore. Why? Well, quite simply, we believe we're better. It's true. Think about our mind sets. AIDS is rampant in Africa, yet many here don't even know that's happening because it would never get to that level here. Why? We're better. I don't want to provide for that family that shouldn't be here. Why? I'm better. Interestingly enough, we aren't better where it really matters sometimes, yet the mentality of being superior breeds entitlement, and it's out of control.

Let's begin with our children. We love them and provide for them, and we never EVER want to say "no." Why? It's because we were "deprived" as children and want the best for ours. However, deprivation did not exactly produce deprived children. In fact, it produced empathetic children who knew what it was like to sometimes go without, so they grew up to be charitable and to think of others in unfortunate circumstances. It also produced imagination since making up games and situations emerged from being bored.

A few years ago, a high school student from a wealthy background was asked by a teacher if he planned on donating a $5.00 toy to an organization for children with terminal illnesses. His answer? "Why should I bother? The kid's going to die anyway." Lack of sympathy and going without leads to answers like this. Ok. Someone else may argue that the kid just said this as a response to forgetting to buy one and trying to be funny. He never needs to put others ahead of himself because his parents have taught him that he doesn't have to do that. Entitlement yet again appears. The terminally ill child learned when he/she got sick that he/she, unfortunately, isn't entitled to live to old age, and yet the one who will wears the concept like a necklace.

Effort is effected by entitlement as well. "If I am going to do this, what do I get?" Falling into this area would be payment for grades, prenuptial agreements, birthday parties, religion, graduation parties, goody bags, trophies for finishing 2nd to 18th place, rewards for volunteering, summer reading, and even (my personal favorite) pushing out a child from one's body. Sadly, if you go back about twenty or thirty years, some of these "rewards" didn't even exist. Today, new rewards stemming from entitlement appear every day, and each one teaches kids and adults that the natural reward you get from something
(AKA a child for pushing) isn't often as good as the reward you get for just making the attempt.

The damage from entitlement is far-reaching. We now have kids who cheat on tests because they want to get $50 for that "A" instead of $40 for that "B." We have people sending soggy PB & J sandwiches to people building houses for the poor so they can get free tickets (valued at $80) to a theme park. We have women who expect "babymoons" and "push gifts" when they are pregnant. We have kids who didn't even bring a gift to a birthday party demanding their goody bags from the host as they leave early. Even the volleyball team that came in dead last asked when they'd get their medals for finishing 14th out of 14 teams.

Through these examples, one can plainly see a byproduct of this entitlement issue, narcissism. If we keep allowing people to claim they deserve something for nothing, they'll start thinking that when this DOESN'T work, the person saying "no" is being unkind, unfair, mean, rude, bitchy, or (another favorite) unreasonable! Visit our Florida schools to see this one. In one county, it is now "inappropriate" to "give" a zero on a test. Now, if a child misses every single question on a test, no lower than a 50% is allowed. By this "reasoning," if I know I can't answer more than 40% of the questions correctly, I'll just randomly guess. I'll actually get a higher grade that way. Other schools get phone calls from parents complaining that a teacher hates their kid, hence the 55% in that class. Even administrators will urge teachers to accept late work months after it was due so the sleeping kid can pass. Since when are kids entitled to pass high school?

So how does America stop this trend? There is no easy way. The #1 way to stop it is by learning to use one word that very few people like to hear. Here it is............"No." When we start learning to be patient and to sometimes go without, entitlement begins to shrink because we are forced to learn that others have power, too, and learning to negotiate and accept is even more important than winning all the time. Though we earned our freedom, we've got a history of entitlement even older than the American Revolution. Want proof? Go talk to a Native American.

A Whale of a Problem

As many people know, a killer whale trainer died at Sea World on Tuesday. She had worked with the killer whales for over ten years, and in about one minute, she was killed by one of them. This same orca is responsible for the death of one other and is looked at suspiciously in the death of another.

Several people have talked to me about it, especially since most people who've known me awhile know how much of an interest I have in these animals. Ever since I was about 8, I've been so fascinated about them. When I read about the incident on Tuesday, a chill went right up my spine.

I didn't know Dawn personally, but I knew of her. I was insanely jealous of her, too. She had the job I always wanted. She got to swim with them and perform with them every day, and then one of them ended her life. The longer I worked at Sea World, the more I hated the idea of keeping these animals in particular in captivity. I used to show up for work an hour or so early to just sit in the stadium and watch them swim. I started realizing that I enjoyed that more than ANY show with them in it. They were playful with each other and oblivious to the trainers watching them. It was the closest I could come to seeing them in the wild.

So when the show, "Believe," premiered, I soon realized why I hated it so much. It wasn't just the stupid expensive screens that moved or the fact that the actual orcas were barely in the show. It was the fact that the show misrepresented these animals in nearly every way. While the previous show at least mentioned, if even for only 30 seconds, that these animals kill other mammals, this one focused on how they are "friends" with humans. In fact, it opens with a kid in a kayak paddling out to see his "friend." I was horrified. Sea World was changing the whole idea of how humans are supposed to interact with nature, and that's somewhat dangerous. I wonder how many kids have an impression of these animals as sweet friendly dolphins who just want to play. After all, isn't that all Tilly wanted to do? Isn't that the same impression the trainers give the orcas, yet the orcas can't play with them the way they'd normally play with their friends.

If people want to see killer whales, the wild is the place to go. While I'll admit that I do like seeing the whales at Sea World, I hate seeing the shows. It's a perversion that's proving to be too dangerous, and I don't understand why Sea World can't transform itself into more of a zoo than an entertainment industry. Are the Busch Gardens employees performing stunts with the tigers? Nope. They have them do a few simple behaviors without a human being any closer than fifteen feet away. Therefore, the public learns that tigers are beautiful and interesting, but humans need to keep their distance. Isn't that the message we should always deliver about animals?

I talked to a friend today about the past tricks (and they are tricks, NOT "behaviors) that these killer whales have done in the past courtesy of Sea World. One occurred in the late 80's and involved a sea lion riding on the stomach of a killer whale as it swam around the pool while Simon's "Call Me Al" played in the background. To this day, it's still shocking to think of an "educational" establishment staging something like that. A few years later, the killer whales would slide out on a small wet platform, and children were quickly placed on their backs. This "behavior" was stopped when the killer whales thought it was funny to try and back up into the water with the kids still on them while the trainers posed hands raised for pictures. Hmmmmm. Something isn't right there either.

When it comes down to it, Sea World is a circus, but they spend a lot more money on animal care and training, and there aren't a lot of land animals involved. Hence, the animal-human issues are brought down. However, the gag orders they DO get through on other trainers who have been hurt would raise some eyebrows. Obviously, most of that information is hidden from the public because the public either misinterprets it or doesn't see it.

When I Grow Up

Within the last month, I ran across a writing contest that presented the following question: "when did you know that you had become an adult?" I've thought about that question nearly every day, and I think I've come up with a pretty good answer. It not only captures when I felt like I became an adult, but I think it also sums up how and when I start to view other people as adults, too.

I think people, myself included, become adults when their general priorities begin to include others. Basically, it's when the super ego kicks in, and, honestly, in today's society, I see a lot of kids' in adult bodies and adults in kids bodies, too. I've run into men and women who have been given the opportunities to become adults and have rejected them because their id has become too active. Examples? Men and/or women leaving their wives and kids because they just don't want all that responsibility or want to keep "playing the field" without caring for those they have sex with, divorced men and women who go clubbing, out with friends, etc. more often than being a parent to their kids, men and women who continuously accept gifts from family and friends and never find a way to show the same. With how much our society is promoting this self-gratification, it's no wonder more and more kids in adult skins show up.

On the flip side, there are adults in kids' bodies out there, too! It truly astonishes me when I see a child taking care of all of his/her siblings so a parent can work nights or weekends. I've also seen kids (a few) who take turns making dinner so parents can take a minute to relax. Even heavier, I have seen siblings pull together to help raise an infant, and all of these examples push the super ego into activating itself very early.

As I reflect on my own life, I think I became an adult when I stopped dating simply because it amused me and made me feel good and began sharing that happiness with the person I was dating. I started caring about when he felt bad and what goals and obstacles were in his life. Even more so, I started dating a man who actually wanted someone else (me) to be a part of his life and go through the fun and adventure with him, which means he was an adult, too.

The adults in our world are those who look out for others as well as themselves, and I certainly hope adults are the ones having children, leading countries, heading businesses, and multiplying over the kids in adults' skin.

Why Are We Becoming "Aliterate?"

I've been reading chapters of Mark Bauerlein's slighly pessimistic book, The Dumbest Generation, and one of the better chapters brought up the idea that Americans are becoming "aliterate" instead of illiterate. This reminds me of Twain's famous quote, "A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read." Although some of Bauerlein's ideas tend to be debatable, in my opinion, this one is the exception. People, not just kids and teens, are not reading like they used to, and I was one of these people just two years ago.

I am ashamed to say that as an English instructor, I only read about three or four books a year back in 2007. However, I was lucky enough to pick up King's On Writing, and I was struck by his ability to read about 60 books a year. I came up with my own goal to read twenty-four books that next year, and I read twenty-six.

Although not every book was a classic or one I would recommend to friends, I felt like with each book, my brain was beginning to use a few millimeters more than before. I began to think differently about situations and apply some of the ideas I found in those books to my own theories and beliefs. What helped even more was challenging myself to try new authors. Up until a few years ago, I had never read a Carl Hiaasen book or even wanted to bother with Dickens again, but I tried both of them, and I found a new appreciation for the latter of the two because I never gave the book my full attention.

Books can be so much more than a story on paper. They connect us with other people as well. I love the ding that goes off in my head when I see someone reading one of my favorites at the beach or hearing a student interpreting something we both read in a totally (and valid) way than I had thought about it. I love the nostalgic feeling that comes along when I read Corduroy to my son, or when I see books I had as a child that I know I want to read to him. During the breaks at my job, I have had numerous conversations with colleagues about The Road, and they have always resulted in different interpretations that all had serious merit. Although film conversations can be similar, authors don't always have deliberate roads they want you to go down, and films usually do.

So why are so few people reading? Books are cheaper than a video game (even an old, used one,) a movie ticket, a computer, or a cell phone, and yet they still collect dust in libraries and bookshelves. Have we become a culture so engrossed in instant gratification that we don't want to put in a few hours to read a novel because "there isn't time for that?" It's amazing to me that so few Americans have little time for books, but they DO have time for all of the other things I've listed. In my humble opinion, none of the previously-mentioned options of entertainment can stimulate a mind like a book, and these are what people are choosing.

The final quote I end with is one I included as an essay choice on a final for my high school class. Though most of the students attempted it, only about 1/4 of those who did received an A on it. Of course, the irony of it was that those with the A's all read above and beyond the required books, and those who didn't possibly read one entire book all year.

"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them."- Ray Bradbury

The New and "Improved" Meetings

As I sat through an extremely boring lecture today, I glanced around the room and noticed several of my peers texting away on their Blackberries and cell phones. At first, I thought it was completely inappropriate and rude, and then I became jealous of their boldness because I wasn't doing it.

This begs the question, "is it rude to multitask during meetings and lectures, or is it a good use of a possible waste of time?"

Some places have chosen to ban texting during meetings. Others choose to ignore it or simply make a mental note of who is bold enough to do it in front of them. However, it isn't just texting that's become popular. I've seen people reading novels, drawing full-out portraits, playing tic-tac-toe, and even talking to others directly in the path of a speaker. If the person has an iPhone, the sky is the limit as far as what to choose to do instead of listening. Is this a sign of rudeness or the times? Personally, I think it's a little of both. I think some people are too rude to think about even remotely hiding their behavior, and it not only sends a message of distaste to the speaker but to the other people choosing to listen instead of doing the same thing. "Is that how your mother raised you?"

On the other end of the spectrum, I have been subjected to some speakers who were so insanely boring that doodling on a sheet of paper was the only reason I didn't fall asleep, which, I think, would have been much ruder. When it's proven over and OVER again that lecturing is the worst way to teach, you'd think that people would stop doing it. At least three times now, I've sat in lectures where the instructor presented this very fact. I was tempted to whip out my phone and start texting right there with the research to back up my choice.

So what's the answer? Do we ban texting? Would that work? Possibly. A better solution? Stop unnecessary meetings and lectures. Workplaces with e-mail should send out information for employees to read and assume they have read it. I know I'll take an e-mail over a meeting every single time...unless alcohol is being served. Workers will appreciate the extra time to get things done rather than sitting around eating stale "refreshments" and listening to someone reading the things on the handout in front of them.

As far as the lectures, end them. Once again, technology creates an opportunity. PowerPoints can be sent easily, and for classrooms, students can read them on their own at home and discuss the important points in class. For topics that involve lots of reading, create forums for people to respond to topics about the issues instead of ordering them to spend ten hours of their lives listening to, once again, someone reading handouts to them.

If you want people to stop being rude during meetings, attempt to end or avoid the meetings.

The Positive and Stephen King

This past April, I began the epic task of listening to the entire book, The Stand, by Stephen King. Although I don't think King is a big religious fanatic, I found it interesting to see how much my faith in God grew through the reading of this book.

Let me begin by saying that I tend to question my beliefs. In fact, I question them on a near daily basis. However, the way that King brings about the idea of God in this book and His interaction or lack thereof at times with the survivors truly inspired and amazed me. At one point, an agnostic speaking to Mother Abigail (who basically represents God's chosen One) "says" (he's mute) that he doesn't believe in God. She simply laughs at him and responds with "that's ok. He believes in you." Although it isn't a long response, it seems to sum up what I needed to hear about God at that moment.

In a much later chapter, when four main characters are sent out to face Randall Flagg and his disciples, it is well-known that they will all probably die before accomplishing this. One of the main characters, Franny, is furious that her lover is one of them and yells at Mother Abigail saying that this God is a sadist who enjoys causing people pain. He allowed millions to die, and now he is continuing to call for death. In response, Abigail heals Franny's back, and Franny insists that it's a bribe. Abigail responds that it's just God's faith in her.

It fascinates me to see an author like King, who tends to be so much gloom and doom, opening his mind to more optimistic ideas about our world and beyond. Perhaps he didn't mean to do this, but it influenced me more than I initially thought. It speaks that not everyone believes in a God who chooses to destroy things, but He rather lets Man make the final decisions, such as the case in this book with men choosing to create a superflu that is accidentally released.

Continuing with King, I used to praise his horror-writing ability, but I am finding that after reading The Dark Tower, The Stand, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and his newest not-as-scary short story collection, After Sunset, I tend to enjoy his non-horror writing even more. He's descriptive and humorous while telling tales of sorrow and tragedy, and his messages in most of those books listed are those of hope and mystery instead of horror and pessimism. I guess if you're reading this and wrote the guy off based on a bad horror book, i.e. Rose Madder. I would gently push you into trying one of the non-horror books and see what I've seen, a man who tries to find meaning in some unlikely places.

Missing Pieces?

Over the last few weeks, I've been experiencing this horrible feeling similar to that sinking dread we all feel when we lock keys in our cars. However, this one has less dread and more sadness attached, and I just can't figure out why.

I tried looking back over my life to see what I did then that I'm not doing now, and I'm having a rough time figuring it out. As far as I can remember, I've always been a person who enjoyed taking risks. We're not talking Vegas slots, but we are talking risks involving life-changing experiences. I guess the last one I took was having a child, and since then, I've felt kind of "average" if that can accurately capture it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I have an amazing husband and a wonderful child, and I wouldn't do it over again any other way. However, I don't feel much like me anymore, and I'd like to know how to find that person again, if it's possible. I never felt the type of guilt I feel now, and I never felt the type of "averageness" I feel now. Work is a complete joke since I figured out how to play the game and keep myself under the radar, and that's sad because I have no drive there to move forward.

I often feel like my outer layer is slowly falling apart piece by piece, and each piece is something I want to keep. Is there a way to stop this? What is it that's happening in the first place? I don't know these answers, but I can say that it's becoming worse as the years go by, and I'd like to salvage the parts that are still there.