Entitlement

Over the last few years, the word, "entitlement," has begun popping up in discussions and articles. The word basically means "the right to benefits." The idea of it sounds wonderful. Basically, I have the right to get certain good things for free. However, in the United States, this idea of entitlement has become a major issue at all levels.

Ironically, a country that had to earn its freedom the hard way has begun promoting among many of its people that they don't need to worry about "the hard way" anymore. Why? Well, quite simply, we believe we're better. It's true. Think about our mind sets. AIDS is rampant in Africa, yet many here don't even know that's happening because it would never get to that level here. Why? We're better. I don't want to provide for that family that shouldn't be here. Why? I'm better. Interestingly enough, we aren't better where it really matters sometimes, yet the mentality of being superior breeds entitlement, and it's out of control.

Let's begin with our children. We love them and provide for them, and we never EVER want to say "no." Why? It's because we were "deprived" as children and want the best for ours. However, deprivation did not exactly produce deprived children. In fact, it produced empathetic children who knew what it was like to sometimes go without, so they grew up to be charitable and to think of others in unfortunate circumstances. It also produced imagination since making up games and situations emerged from being bored.

A few years ago, a high school student from a wealthy background was asked by a teacher if he planned on donating a $5.00 toy to an organization for children with terminal illnesses. His answer? "Why should I bother? The kid's going to die anyway." Lack of sympathy and going without leads to answers like this. Ok. Someone else may argue that the kid just said this as a response to forgetting to buy one and trying to be funny. He never needs to put others ahead of himself because his parents have taught him that he doesn't have to do that. Entitlement yet again appears. The terminally ill child learned when he/she got sick that he/she, unfortunately, isn't entitled to live to old age, and yet the one who will wears the concept like a necklace.

Effort is effected by entitlement as well. "If I am going to do this, what do I get?" Falling into this area would be payment for grades, prenuptial agreements, birthday parties, religion, graduation parties, goody bags, trophies for finishing 2nd to 18th place, rewards for volunteering, summer reading, and even (my personal favorite) pushing out a child from one's body. Sadly, if you go back about twenty or thirty years, some of these "rewards" didn't even exist. Today, new rewards stemming from entitlement appear every day, and each one teaches kids and adults that the natural reward you get from something
(AKA a child for pushing) isn't often as good as the reward you get for just making the attempt.

The damage from entitlement is far-reaching. We now have kids who cheat on tests because they want to get $50 for that "A" instead of $40 for that "B." We have people sending soggy PB & J sandwiches to people building houses for the poor so they can get free tickets (valued at $80) to a theme park. We have women who expect "babymoons" and "push gifts" when they are pregnant. We have kids who didn't even bring a gift to a birthday party demanding their goody bags from the host as they leave early. Even the volleyball team that came in dead last asked when they'd get their medals for finishing 14th out of 14 teams.

Through these examples, one can plainly see a byproduct of this entitlement issue, narcissism. If we keep allowing people to claim they deserve something for nothing, they'll start thinking that when this DOESN'T work, the person saying "no" is being unkind, unfair, mean, rude, bitchy, or (another favorite) unreasonable! Visit our Florida schools to see this one. In one county, it is now "inappropriate" to "give" a zero on a test. Now, if a child misses every single question on a test, no lower than a 50% is allowed. By this "reasoning," if I know I can't answer more than 40% of the questions correctly, I'll just randomly guess. I'll actually get a higher grade that way. Other schools get phone calls from parents complaining that a teacher hates their kid, hence the 55% in that class. Even administrators will urge teachers to accept late work months after it was due so the sleeping kid can pass. Since when are kids entitled to pass high school?

So how does America stop this trend? There is no easy way. The #1 way to stop it is by learning to use one word that very few people like to hear. Here it is............"No." When we start learning to be patient and to sometimes go without, entitlement begins to shrink because we are forced to learn that others have power, too, and learning to negotiate and accept is even more important than winning all the time. Though we earned our freedom, we've got a history of entitlement even older than the American Revolution. Want proof? Go talk to a Native American.